sampai waktu

kalau orang dah tak suka,

kau buat baik macam mana sekali pun,

lemah kau ja yang orang nanti perkatakan.

tapi jangan risau, jangan gelabah, jangan cuak,

baik yang kau buat mungkin tidak dipandang orang,

baik yang kau buat mungkin kecil dibanding orang lain,

teruskan, jangan henti.

walau satu hari nanti,

baik yang kau buat dapat diganti oleh orang lain,

biarkan.

jangan dilawan,

dan tahulah kau pada masa itu,

kau sudah mampu berlari,

buatlah kau perihal sendiri,

jangan dipeduli lagi,

kerna kau sudah diganti.

will you

Dear my good guy,

 I have some sort of questions that i would like to ask you, 

will you answer them for me?

First,

is it okay if i don't own a flawless face? - i do have scars and acne on my face.

will you be okay with that?

Second,

is it alright if i don't really put any make up onto my face? - i like to have my face free and bare.

will you be alright with it?

Third,

is it acceptable for you if i can't be in slim fit figure? - im gaining weight for all my enjoyable meals.

will you accept that?

Fourth,

is it okay if i don't act like lady like person? - im enjoying being my-rough-emo-self.

will you be okay with them?

Fifth,

is it alright if i dont have the pure and kind heart? - because mine was broken into pieces.

will you ...?

Last,

is it acceptable for all that matters? - it feels like ruin and insecure.

will you bare with all of flaws?

why? - because i'm imperfection. 

Special Him

.SPECIAL HIM.

A guy who has taken away my heart for now. Is that enough to define who is the special him?

I hope its enough to fully describe what does that means.

Today is the special day for my special him. I guess everyone has their own special day every year right, so yes today is his day.

I have been guilty since i know i can't get him any special birthday present and also plans some surprise small candle light dinner for him. I am truly sorry :'(

But here i am, going to write down something for him. As i hope this will be enough for now.

--------------------

Dear special him,

Happy 21st Birthday to you :) I wish all of your wishes will be granted by Him and be happy.

I am sorry that i could not plan anything special for you. 

Thank you for all these days that you have been more likely 24 hours with me. Be there when i need someone, stay through my ups and down, listen well to what i said, hear everything i told and love me for who i am, thanked you.

You are so nice and kind with as until now i believe that i dont deserve you, you're so gentle and soft as i am so rough and sarcastic but you still bare them all with your patience, you're getting to know and handle me so well as sometimes i feel like i am rude to you by not accepting your opinions and rarely listens to you, but you always treat me as usual like nothing that i have done thats hurt you.

You know my stories, you heard my past, but you didn't back up, still be with me which makes me feel so warm and safe. As always saying that you loved me as who i am now makes me feel touched and secured with you. 

Maybe you don not know there are some parts that i love about you which are :

Your bright smile when we were skyping.

Your stares when you look at me

Your body scent when we went out.

Your warm hug.

Your stupid jokes that sometimes i didn't get.

Your explanations when i got blur.

Your late bed time reminders.

Your supportive and encourage words when im down.

Your logical and tolerate behavior.

Your patience with my attitude.

And,

Your trust towards me.

That are some parts of you that i love. I think i have not tell you these right? 

And of course, I love you.

You have bring my smile back on my face, you have bring back my laughter in my daily life, you have give me back my confidence, you have give me hope and trust, and also you have teach me back to love.

And im in love with you now.

Is that right?

Please know that im getting to change, through out these changes you will see the real me, so please stay patience and strong with me for now as i will always have you in my heart. 

Thank you for everything that you have gave and i am really sorry for my imperfections, my wronged, my rude, my sarcasm, i am sorry.

So these my little present for your special day. 

I hope you will read and understand them with your heart :)

Happy Born Day My GUY :)

   

I love you, Al-Amir Aziz.

By : Qistina Kamaruddin. 

Abah

Dear Abah,

This entry i made especially for you.

Abah, our relay may not be same as other people relay regarding to our serious conversations, less bonding times and our gap.

Abah, our relay may not be the same as the relay i always dreams to have a funny friendly and sporting dad.

But i really wanted you to always know that i always put you as my roll idol because for me, you are the best dad ever.

Abah, 

The way you teach us as your children are different from others. You didn't offer give us the luxury life but you always try to give your best of what we needs. You teach us a hard ways to achieve things and at the same times you insert the easier ways to us without our knowledge. 

Before, when i was a child, there were so many questions in my head. "Why can't you buy me the branded clothes and gadgets when i know you can afford to buy them for me, Why can't you let me hang around without any limit of times, Why don't you let me be what i wanted to be, Why can't you bring us to abroad for holidays when you have the high income paid, Why are you not like the other fathers, Why don't you have time for me,". There were so many "WHY" words in my mind before. And on that time, i started to do the rebellion because i have misunderstood of you.

As the time passed by, during this hard moment for me when no one believe me, i gained my strength to ask you one simple question "Abah, abah rasa akak boleh buat kerja tak? Semua orang kata akak tak boleh buat kerja", and Allah showed me your love. You replied me text "I know you can do it. Do your best and prove them wronged. Stand up and be strong. You can always consult on me or your mom." My tears really rolled down on that time, like i couldn't believe that moment appeared. After that time, i've changed my thought on you. I tried to be close and less scared to you. 

One by one the questions before were in my head went missing. Until last year, due to my problems in choosing the study path, you made the decision by sending me to the private college and because of that you spend a lot of many for my study. Started from that, i always feel that i have burden you even until now i have that feeling. When i asked you to transfer the money to me, i never forget to put "Abah, maaf susahkan abah." One day, the same things i send and still i inserted the line and you replied "Kakak, please after this no more sorry words. Your mom and i will always try our best to give you and your siblings the better future". Again, i cried like hell. My mouth was speechless, my mind was empty for a moment and my body was stiff.

Apart from that, i got the answer for all the "wondering questions" before one by one. I started to understand why are you behaving or threat us that ways. There are all because of your own specific reasons that i may understand now. When i come to think about all of that, i feel so lucky to be your daughter and im grateful for every single things that you have made for me. You are different. You do not speak for your love but the actions showed us your love either we will see it sooner or later. 

Abah, thank you for your warm and calm love just like your advises that you have gave to me. I will always try my best to achieve something that will make you proud. Abah, thank you for your trust and believe in me. 

Abah, i love you!

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Jika kau punya teman yang kau tahu dia sayang akan dikau,

Yang dia ada dimasa jatuh bangun derita bahagia kau,

Jagalah dia sebaiknya.

Sayanglah dia sepenuhnya.

Tunjuklah engkau pada dia sebanyak mana sayang dikau akan dia,

Agar dia tahu, agar dia rasa dihargai,

Berbaiklah engkau sebaik mungkin dengan dia,

Semoga dikau dan dia punya rasa itu kekal selamanya.

Jangan dikau ambil sambil lewa sayangnya itu,

Jangan dikau ego tak semena,

Hargailah kasih dia,

Supaya dikau tidak nyesal dikemudian hari.

Bersabarlah dikau dengan setiap cabaran dalam perhubungan,

kerna ia pasti dibalas dengan bahagianya senyuman.

Semoga tidaknya dihari hari nanti kau senyum tapi dihatinya engkau kosong.

Kerna rasa itu pasti tidaklah gembira, hanya pahit kelat semata.

InshaAllah.

Selamat mencuba :)